I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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