My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
