I should be sponsored by Trojan
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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