I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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