what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize