my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
