i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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