What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
one might say we're banned from that church
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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