Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
