Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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