dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize