she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
zippers are such a cool invention
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
