Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
