shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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