he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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