Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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