i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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