So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
