I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
