All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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