she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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