Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
