I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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