Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
