my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
even my farts smell like vagina
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
