why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
