He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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