My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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