I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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