She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
