Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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