I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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