Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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