i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found puke in my bra..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize