I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Please don't give away my fajitas
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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