Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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