a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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