i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
