Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
