so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
