My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize