i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Found your dick twin last night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
