If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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