Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
