so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
