I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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