The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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