no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
