in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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