Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
