everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
