I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
