I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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