He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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