i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
