A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
