Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
