You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
