I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
