Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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