At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
