Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize