You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
