I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
