Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
