he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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