I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
