i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
