I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
