I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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