Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
