Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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