I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
