I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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