Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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