i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
