SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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