so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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