I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
