im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
