dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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