sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
