no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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