You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
