His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
