Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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