I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
