i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
