This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
