Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
